Love Bombing? Have you heard of it?
There are so many approaches to parenting. We love hearing about different ideas and try to raise our children in as natural a way as possible. So when we came across love bombing, we just had to find out more.
We like the idea of love bombing as it sounds a bit different from conventional parenting advice and doesn’t need to be expensive or difficult to do.
Love bombing, as a parenting technique, was developed by Oliver James, a chartered clinical psychologist. It means making a special emotional zone, where you give your child an intense experience where they feel completely loved and completely in control whilst you lavish them with your love.
He created the technique as a way to reset your child’s emotional thermostat and help improve your relationship with your child. It’s a really simple and effective way to reconnect with each other outside the normal rules of life. With love!
Love bombing is well recognised as being helpful for children with common behaviour problems. Many thousands of parents have used this technique to get their parent-child relationship back on track.
You might find it useful if you are finding it hard to deal with your child’s behaviour. Perhaps time outs, reward charts and naughty steps aren’t working for you.
How does Love Bombing work?
- Explain to your child that you are going to spend some special time together, just the two of you.
- Let your child know that in this special time, your child is totally in charge of what you do and when you do it (of course this has to be within reason, nothing dangerous!).
- Encourage your child to make a list of what they would like to do in this special time. It could be anything – make a cake, go to the park, read a book or even just watch TV together.
You can do this for a day, 2 days, or even just half an hour, it doesn’t matter how long you choose.
The point is that your child gets to say when you start and stop any activity, and they have your complete attention and love. This gives your child the unusual feeling of being in control (and bombed with love!).
But remember that when you are not in love bombing mode, normal life and normal rules apply. Keep working on setting boundaries consistently and firmly.
After love bombing, revisit it for a few minutes each day, to remind your child of the experience and reinforce that feeling of being in control and being totally loved.
Some children might benefit from a physical reminder of the experience, perhaps a special teddy who came along with you.
Why don’t you try love bombing with your child – making space to make your child feel loved is a great way to reconnect. Love is the answer!
We’d love to hear how you get on!
Additional note
Like any technique, it can be used for either a positive or negative purpose. There is much evidence that certain adults use a similar methodology to emotionally manipulate others, whether it be leaders enticing new members into a cult with feigned love, or a controlling individual embarking on an intense, exhaustive campaign of flattery to win the confidence and love of their target
Obviously our recommendation here is that parents approach this from a place of love and desire for the child’s well being rather than a means of emotionally manipulating their children.
Sources
http://www.junomagazine.com/love-bombing-34/
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/10/09/how-love-bombing-changed-our-family-life_n_7373828.html
